Turnaround is truer - when it is felt to be less painful

It was around 8.35 am and I need to punch-in for work at 9 am. Meanwhile, I had to drop my 4-year old son at my in-laws. I knew that I probably won't be able to make in to work on time. It was very stressful. I rushed to the lift and rushed to the car-park on the 4th level of the multi-level carpark on my condominium, with my son tagging behind slowly. I got into the car and prepared to race all the way to my in-laws' place. There was much suffering in all this.



Then, I examined my underlying belief. Why do I have to punch-in for work at 9am. Because I assumed that I need to. Then the thoughts "Is that true" was felt, rather than thought. It was spontaneous and I was not even aware of it, until now while writing this blog. The answer arose from within - "I assume that I need to be in work at 9 am - that is why I am suffering". This was followed by the unspoken turnaround:



"I don't need to report to work at 9 am - until I do. I have no control over when reality would have me report to work at 9 am"



"How do I know that the turnaround is truer?"



"Because, it is less painful!"



With that, the suffering vanishes. I realize then that the test for whether a turnaround is truer, is to feel what the turnaround feels like. If it is felt to be less painful, then it is truer!

Internalized Turnarounds?

I was visiting a friend. Her husband TC, was in and he has some nice gadgets that connects to the TV, for playing music, video etc. I wasn't particularly fond of this guy, for I have
known him to be unfriendly and cold, and speaks in short terse phrases devoid of any
warmth.

We were in his guestroom and I was looking at his gadgets and trying to figure out how
to play some music. I pushed some buttons here and there, and nothing seems to work.
All this while, TC was just sitting staring at me without even lifting a finger to help.

Finally he blurted out, "That's not a music player!". He sounded like a robot. However,
I was not the least bit upset by his words. The turnaround came fast, "He should have
said what he said - since that is what happened". It was more felt rather than thought.
And so there was just peace.

At that point, I woke up and found myself at home on my bed. The time was about 7.30 am.
It was just a dream. I was amazed that even while dreaming, I had unconsciously applied
the turnarounds! It then occurred to me that during the waking hours, I had also
been unconsciously doing that - the turnarounds would spntaneously arise to meet
any stressful thought that surfaces. The Work is internalized!

A Night's Dream

I was in Georgetown, Penang walking around somewhere near Light Street or Farquhar Street. Suddenly, I remembered that I hadn't contacted my girlfriend for a long time - weeks maybe. I recall that we have not been on good terms lately. I love her a lot and miss her dearly. Fear arose in my heart that maybe she no longer wants to be with me and could have found someone else. My heart sank as I began to think of looking for a phone.

Quite suddenly I woke up - I was lying in bed and the time was around 7.30 am. It was just a dream. My girlfriend is my wife and she is at that moment having a bath. What relief I felt!

It occured to me then, that even while sleeping and dreaming, thoughts still arise and when I believe them, it causes suffering. And I also notice that, to the mind - there is no difference between the waking state and the sleeping state. The mind, with its childlike innocence is so gullible - it belives what it thinks. In sleep, the mind believes the thoughts that arise and the same thing occurs in the waking state. If I do not question my thoughts, I have no choice but to believe them - even in this waking state.

All my suffering is caused by believing those thoughts which are untrue. And they are untrue - only most of the time!

Mistaken Time

I was lying down in bed. It was early and I had gone to bed late the night before. I could faintly hear the rain outside. The curtains were drawn and I could not see outside. The bedroom was faintly lit by early morning light. It felt early - maybe 7.30 am. It was a Sunday morning and for me, it is not a working day. I was awakened by my 4 year old son making some noise trying to get everyone else to wake up. I felt a slight irritation - thinking the thoughts "It's so early, only 7.30 am or so - he shouldn't make so much noise - I need my sleep - I feel so tired -I should get up from bed only at 10 am or later...". Believing my every thought, I felt really tired. My mind sought all evidence it can, to prove that I was tired. I felt the heavy weight of my body, the half-drowsy awareness, and irritation at being awakened by my 4-year old at such an early hour.

At that point, my elder son, who is 10 years old asked "What time is it?" I lazily reached for my handphone to check the time. And to my amazement, I saw that it was already 10.30 am!
At that very instant, all my tiredness magically evaporated! My mind no longer believes that it was 7.30 am. The irritation also left. And suddenly, I felt renewed vigour as though I have had a good nights sleep. I had no problem getting up from bed.

This is remarkable, I thought. Believing my thoughts can actually manifest all my stressful feelings. And how the mind seeks evidence to prove what it believes. And I go through life each day believing all my thoughts - most of them false thoughts - and how much suffering that has caused me.