Contraction and Expansion

This is follow-up to the last blog entitled "A Story of Conjunctivitis". Whenever the turnaround "I accept this ", "It is OK" arises, it is compared to the feelings. If the turnaround is on point, the feeling of suffering vanishes. What also happens is a relaxation, or, expansion, or letting go. It is both a physical sensation as well as a mental one. The muscles in the body relaxes as the mind lets go and expands. The mind expands into the pain and the suffering dissolves. Peace.

Suffering is a contraction into resistance - resisting the pain. And contraction is both a mental and physical phenomena. The mind entertains thoughts (mostly unconsciously, in my experience) like "I hope this pain will be over soon", "I don't want this". And the muscles in parts of the body tenses.

Freedom from suffering is a total acceptance of the pain. The mind stops resisting it, expands and the body relaxes.

The Story of Conjunctivitis

I came down with conjunctivitis a few days ago. The onset was rapid. The day before, there was just mild itchiness and by night time, there was severe redness and swelling. And it was very painful. Tears were flowing freely. I was in suffering. And because of the feeling of suffering, I knew that I was believing an untrue story that my mind was telling me. I searched for the thought that was untrue. It was difficult, because, the pain and suffering was overbearing. I could not find a single clear thought that I was believing in that might attribute to this suffering. I allowed myself to feel the pain in its fullness. I suspect that there was an unconscious thought that I do not want this pain. And so, I did the turnaround "I accept this pain" and I tested the turnaround against the feeling of pain and felt the pain fully. And quite amazingly, the pain stopped being a suffering! The pain was still there, but it was not a problem, it was ok! I then went to sleep with that acceptance of the pain.

I sense that there were two ways that I could relieve pain. The first was to disown the pain. I was aware that I am here and the pain is there - i.e. the pain is not mine. I am that which is aware of the pain. But, somehow, I feel that this method is not quite right, since, the suffering comes back when I step back into life. The second method was to embrace the pain without resistance - and I believe this is what all the Advaita teachers, including Byron Katie advocate. And I sense that it is a truer reflection of reality. In reality, there is no one who is aware of the pain, there is only pain. Whenever there is someone who is aware of the pain, it is the ego - which is denying and resisting the pain. When I do the turnaround, "I accept this pain", the ego which is "I" disappers - there is no one left to resist it - and hence no suffering.

I awoke a few times in the night with suffering and each time, the turnaround arose "I accept this pain", or, "This pain is OK", and sometimes "This is OK". Each time there was a resistance to the pain, the turnaround neutralized it and removed the suffering. I could sense that, if I entertained thoughts like "I wish this pain to go away", or, "I hope to be well soon", that caused a lot more pain. On the other hand, if, I allowed the pain to be, by the thoughts like "I accept this", "It is OK", the suffering vanishes. I seem to merge into the pain and become one with it - and there was no suffering - just a peace.

The next morning, my eyelids were glued shut by thick yellowish discharge. I groped my way to the toilet and dabbed water and waited a few minutes before I could open my eyes. The eyelids were badly swollen. The pain was intense as I tried to open my eyes. The turnaround came quite quickly "I accept this pain, it is OK". That immediately removed resistance to the pain. Over the course of 2 days, I developed fever and body aches and each time there was suffering, the turnaround arises automatically "I accept this pain" and the thought is compared with the feeling and that cause the suffering to go away. It is the thought merging into the feeling.

The technique is, look for a turnaround, feel it. If the suffering is still there then, it is the wrong one. Look for another turnaround, and feel it again. If the suffering vanishes, then you have found the right turnaround. For me, this works well for unconcious beliefs - in those situations where the stressful thoughts are not so clear.

The Mind merges with the Heart

I am sitting and lying back at home on a large high-backed office chair. The wind is blowing in my face. It is pleasant and nice. My body feels tired and heavy. The thought arises "I am very tired." Another unspoken thought arises "Is it true" - it is felt rather than heard - almost imperceptible. The thought is effortlessly compared with the feeling in the body. The mind seeking its truth in the heart. The result - the first thought "I am tired" is now not so credible. A third thought follows "My mind is tired" - and is again compared with the feeling. And is felt to be truer. It merges with the heart dissolves in it.

Road Rage?

This morning, as I was driving to work, a black car tail-gated me. The road was too narrow for me to allow the car to overtake, so I had to tolerate the driver. I felt a surge of anger arise. The thoughts that was playing in my mind was: "He should not drive so near my car." I then deliberately stepped on the acclerator and sped up to increase the gap between the black car behind me and my car. I was going really fast and my heartbeat increased. When I almost reached my office, the road widened and the black car was able to overtake me. Thereafter, I felt bad and regretful. "I should not have lost my cool," I thought. "The car should not have tailgated me."

Then, I did The Work mentally as I walked from the carpark to my office. "I should not have lost my cool". I asked "Is it true?" I felt inside what it was to believe that thought and it felt horrible. Then, I did the turnaround: "I should have lost my cool - because that is reality - and I am suffering because I oppose reality". The unpleasant feelings of regret and anger evaporated!

Then, the thought arose "I shouldn't have driven so fast" and the feelings of regret and anger came back. Immediately the turnaround arose in my mind: "I should have driven fast - because that was what happened" - and the unpleasant feelings left.

It was so simple and clear. I could sense that with the stressful thoughts: "I should not have driven so fast" and "I shouldn't have lost my cool" - there was a lot of suffering - painful feelings.

And at the same time, I could also sense the alternative thoughts "I should have driven fast" and "I should have lost my cool" - whereby the painful feelings were non-existent. And I did not have to do anything, the mind clings onto the less stressful thought almost automatically. The Work is self-working!

I always like less suffering and all I need to do is point my thoughts in the right direction and it follows the path of least-suffering. Incredible!

Do I want to be right or do I want peace? I say, forget about being right - go for peace!

Taking the wrong road?

After work, I got into my car and drove to my wife's office to pick her up from work. In a haste, I turned into a highway and after a few minutes ran into a massive traffic jam. I could see a thought arising "Oh no, I should not have taken this road". And almost immediately, I could start to sense the arising of an unpleasant feeling. It felt like regret, irritation, hopelessness and a hint of self-loathing all in one. I then found a turnaround: "I should have taken this road." "How do I know that?" "Because I did take this road". The thought hit me that I was arguing with reality when I believed the thought "I shouldn't have taken this road". At that point, it was clear that I could actually choose to believe the turnaround and when I did, the unpleasant feelings left!

After a few slow movements on the road, I found a side road and I took it. After a second turning, I turned into another road and realized that I had taken another wrong turning. The thought "I shouldn't have taken this road, I should have turned the other way" arose again. And again, the unpleasant feelings followed. Almost immediately, the turnaround came "I should have taken this road - because the reality of it is - I did take this road". And the unpleasant feelings vanished!!

Mistaken class

I was working on my PC in my office, preparing a Lab Exercise on programming to be given to my students in the lab. The lab was supposed to take place at 4pm. I casually cast a glance on the wall clock and saw that it was already 3.40 pm!



To my horror, I began to panic. The exercises are not completed yet and I also needed at least a few hours to run through them all on my Visual C++ compiler to make sure they work. Unpleasant feelings swept over me.



Then, I suddenly realized that the lab was supposed to be tomorrow! Immediately there was instant relief. A heavy feeling was miraculously lifted. And I realize then the truth of what Byron Katie teaches - that we suffer when we believe an untrue thought.



I sufferred when I believed that the lab was at 4 pm today, but, when I realized my mistake, I did not belive anymore that the lab was to be on today. And with that, all the unpleasant feeling also left. Amazing!



I also tried to re-imagine and to re-believe that the lab is to be on today. But try as hard as I might, I could no longer make myself believe the lie again. Byron Katies says that truth is like that - once you have seen that the snake is actually a rope, you can never again make yourself believe otherwise.

Introduction to my experience with Byron Katie

So far I've read Byron Katie's Books: "Loving What Is" and "I need Your Love - Is It True".
I've also listened to the 6 CD audio set entitled "Your Inner Awakening" also by Byron Katie.
And also watched all her videoclips on You Tube.

At first I was skeptical about Byron Katie's The Work. I've studied Eckhart Tolle, Tony Parsons, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ramesh Balsekar, Wayne Liquorman , the Ashtavakra Gita and the Sedona Method.

The three Teachers which resonates with me most are Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle and Tony Parsons. Among the three, Tony Parson's is the purest form of reality - no concepts, nothing. Eckhart Tolle introduces quite a lot of concepts, but his teaching on living in the present moment rings true for me. However, Byron Katie is the only teacher who teaches that we should deal with thoughts and not just ignore them. How true.

I could achieve stillness by being present in the now (as per Eckhart Tolle), or, by seeing that this-is-all-there-is (as per Tony Parsons), but that is only good so long as I do not interact with other people. Once I start to meet people, the stillness is lost. The thoughts come back and along with the thoughts, the feelings also come back. That is because, when meeting people, I need to think in order to hold a conversation. I can't talk without thoughts.

I have applied Byron Katie's the Work quite successfully and found much decrease in suffering.
Thoughts scream to be heard, and unless we have neutralized them, suffering comes whenever a thought arises. The way to neutralize is to see the lies in the thoughts. My feelings guide me as to when I am wrongly believing a false thought. We need to deal with the thoughts until they let go of us - I see that now. Thoughts cannot be ignored.